5th November – Just one more Figurine

‘Its eyes follow you around the room.’

‘Don’t be silly Miranda.’ Mark stood there trying to not catch her eye. He didn’t mean to buy things that gave her the creeps. Miranda described it as an instinct to find them. He leaned in for a closer look at the item he had put on kitchen table. ‘For one, it doesn’t have any eyes so how can it follow you around the room’.

‘It hasn’t got eyes? That is your defence for trying to say that this thing isn’t creepy.’

He paused before he said he next comment. He wished that he had paused to contemplate her thoughts, feelings and her own points about his new acquisition. But he knew that the pause was really about his looking at how the tubes connected from the two cannisters on its back, to the mask on the front. He wished he was thinking about how he could say the right thing and come to quick conclusion following his brief two minutes of shopping unaccompanied. But he was wondering if the two tubes were an in-out system or just that they used two cannister to breathe from.

Josh chose to not share these pondering thoughts with Miranda. Instead he attempted to calm the situation in the hope of keeping it out in the house. ‘We don’t have to have it on display on the table like this’. As soon as he spoke he realised he chose poorly in his phrase.

‘Was that what was going through your mind? Keeping it on the kitchen table.’ This was not a new tone, this was not the first time Josh had bought something that they disagreed on. This was not the first time he wanted to display it for visitors to see. Josh also knew that in about 3 hours’ time Miranda’s parents were going to arrive and there were still many jobs on his list to complete. ‘Why do we need to have this conversation every time you go to the market in town.’

Calmly, but steadily and with no attempt to look back, Miranda left the room. Josh was standing there, staring and still wondering about the pipe work on the figurine. Was this a space suit? Was this something to go underwater with?

‘Well I guess it is just you and me for now. Got a good place to hide you away until she calms down’. Josh picked up his new piece to place looking at it wondering if it will end up in his room of stuff. It was a room most visitors didn’t get shown on the Grand Tour. But it was his.

It was probably the detail the artist used that drew Josh into buying it. The mask on the figure reminded him of the gas masks that he had seen in old World War One films. The cannisters on its back were something out of scuba diving but the outfit that seemed to cover the individual and a more material cloth type look to it, apart from the straps holding the cannisters on its back. It was posed as I standing but on the way to move with its legs not quite straight. The suspense of it intrigued Josh and thought it could be a good conversation piece in the hallway. So far it had made a brief encounter with Miranda and that ended quicker than he would have liked.

Eventually, Josh turned off the light to head up to bed. As he left the kitchen he placed the figurine back on the table wishing it a good night, while quietly mumbling about how it wasn’t that creepy as he walked up the stairs.

Half an hour before Miranda’s parents were to arrive Josh raced downstairs as a scream permeated through the walls. As he ran down he almost tripped over a pair of socks before he found Miranda in the lounge pointing at the figurine with the gas mask on the side cabinet. He was unsure what the problem was however through the screams it was clear that Miranda felt that the figurine was staring at her when she came in.

His reaction to this was not what Miranda wanted. He giggled at the thought of Miranda turning to new ways to worry about her parents coming to visit. This seemed to happen every time he thought. Are the windows clean? Has the bed, which they won’t even be using, got clean sheets? Has the lawn be mowed? Is there washing out to show the garden being used? Is the washing packed away to keep the side table tidy? Once Miranda joked about sticking tomatoes on the plants to make them looking better than they were. Despite her attempts to laugh it off Josh was never quite sure how far the joke would have gone.

However, Josh chose to make a cup of tea ignoring the outburst. As Miranda eventually followed she found Josh had poured two cups of tea and was making a clear attempt to try to move the conversation on to a more pleasing topic.

‘Do you think we should paint the Kitchen that green colour you found last week?’

‘This is not the time for painting, you know that. My parents are coming in an hour. Besides…’

‘I am not meaning we paint it now obviously. But next weekend I will be home when you are away. I could do it then.’

‘Josh, stop this. I want that thing go. It looks odd, even for your collection. Why can’t you just see that it creeps me out.’

‘Why is it, when your parents come round I clean the lounge. Then you clean it again. We put up your pictures and put out things that you want. But when I want to put out something of mine, we need to have a full discussion over it and agree a compromise?’

Miranda paused. Her parents were going to arrive in 63 minutes and she still needed to get the washing away, clean the bathroom and hope to sort out an outfit for their arrival. Josh just needed to make sure the dinner was ready to be reheated.

‘Why must we do this every time you randomly choose something. It is as if you are wanting me to fight with you when you do this. This is how it feels.’

‘That is a bit far, I just saw something that I liked and thought it would make a good addition to the querkiness of our house.’

‘…Why…must…our house…have a querkiness level at all? If this is the way you are still thinking then maybe we need to have a different discussion when my parents have left.’

Miranda left without touching her tea. Josh waited to see what would happen next but simply heard the vacuum cleaner start and clean the lounge, a room he had already gone through since they got back. The muttering that came through the sweeps of the machine around the room did not invite him in to continue the conversation.

It was then he realised that Miranda had brought into the kitchen the very figurine that started the conversation.

‘Well it is just you and me for a bit buddy’. Josh turned to make sure that the dinner was all prepped and ready to be heated for the evening. He was not going to let her parents see him fail in the kitchen again.

The time for Miranda’s parents to arrive came quickly and it with seconds past that time which brought the chime of the doorbell rang. They arrived at precisely 5.07pm as they had said they would. Miranda’s father always liked to give what to many would appear to be a random time. Why stick to multiples of 10? Josh always said it was this sort of pedantisms that made Miranda the way she was.

With no sign of the door being answer Miranda rushed downstairs as she didn’t want to leave her parents outside in the cold. She welcomed them in and directed them to the twice hoovered lounge with the pumped up cushions reserved only for guests. She called out for Josh to make the teas while she visually scanned the room for anything out of place. After a few minutes of discussing the new painting on the wall, the kettle could still not be heard so Miranda quietly made her way to make the tea and find the biscuits.

To her relief, the figurine was still nowhere to be seen, but there was a note on the table. Addressed to her.

Dear Miranda,

Thank you for letting me explore your home. I have learnt a lot about the ways of you all through my time here. After seeing how you all live and the options I have found around me, I have decided to procure Josh and take him home with me to add to my collection. I know he will fit in there with the other pieces I have found.

Thank you for helping me choose which of you I would take home with me. I was worried it would be a squeeze to take you both with me. I hope you find your house without the oddities better for you. It seemed that Josh’s additions upset you.

p.s. I hope I have left enough of your currency under this note to reimburse you for my purchase.