Losing the fear

Many years ago, I had a colleague, you probably know the type, they were the one who called in sick. A lot.

Not because they were ill, with genuine health concerns, or had unseen mental health concerns. No. This colleague would call in sick because they simply couldn’t be bothered to come in. Or had somewhere they wanted to go that day so didn’t come in.

I know all this because, like all people who feel they are doing something naughty. They told me. They told me each time they did it. In fact, I was once even told before they did it. There were some tickets for an event and it was easier to have a day out too when they went.

When finally confronted about this, their response to me was something that surprised me. They had simply “lost the fear of doing it”. For them, once they had called in sick the first time, what was the problem doing it again.

This has come to lately and as a concept, it has got me thinking. Not about calling in sick, but about doing something that scares me. About how the fear is holding me back.

But losing the fear is something I need to tackle with writing. I remember sitting there last year when I first read out a piece I wrote in a writing class. Scared beforehand. Shaking through it. Followed by wanting to run out before the group could give comments on it. Thankfully, like most writing groups, they were all lovely and I left feeling that I might not be as bad as I thought I was.

So since then I have started this blog. Shared some short stories, book reviews and even some thoughts about the writing process (this piece for example). I have sent short/flash pieces off and am unbelievably happy to have a few online magazines in the process of publishing some pieces. It is therefore today I am using this fear to try something new, to the world of self-publishing with a piece on amazon this week (opening up to yet another group of critics).

It started with attempting to engage with writers via twitter (@lister_fiction) and putting myself out there, the more I share, the more the fear goes away. When, and it will be when I am sure, a negative review comes in, the fear may jump out of the box and show it hasn’t gone away. This, in itself, is a good thing, I think. Fear, a sensible level I mean, makes sure we check the quality of what we do. If we don’t fear, mixed with self-respect/pride in the work we produce, then we won’t be trying to make the best of that thought about a character and throw anything out there with mistakes that could have been found in a draft. Fear can be good, just like the biscuits in the jar in the kitchen, too many is not a good thing.

Just don’t call in sick as you had a late night down the pub and felt a bit tired that morning.