A note to yourself

I miss you.

There I said it.
Are you happy?
You probably don’t really care.

Actually,
I know you care,
but not in the way I want you to.

You care in the way that me caring now makes you feel important.
You care because you were right,
I’ve gone and messed something up.

So now your pessimistic thinking is proven,
I was wrong in some ways,
But at least right in others.

You are,
I guess,
what part of me wants to see here.

At least what I can remember,
I remember some parts of you,
I can’t remember everything.

But that’s the problem isn’t it,
You are not the full picture.
I only remember what I am able to.

I don’t remember the problems,
I don’t like to spend time dwelling on what was wrong.
I certainly don’t want to think about the limitations.

That’s the problem with your past,
You only ever remember part of it.
You don’t remember all that was there.

The whole picture,
the past present,
was never full even then.

Just like my present present,
I can’t see it all now.
So tomorrow I will miss today.

But tomorrow will continue to build on this too.